We’ve found that Grand Canyon rafters often have a good sense of humor when it comes to the not-so-appealing side of river trips. We hope you will happily nod in agreement to these handy tips.
Ways to Prepare for a River trip
- One week before the trip, have a yard of sand delivered to your home. Sprinkle liberally in your bed, dresser drawers, on the kitchen and bathroom counter. Fill your salt shaker, sugar bowl and cereal boxes with sand and use them as usual. Place garbage can lids full of sand in front of your fans and run them continuously at maximum speed
- After renting a projection TV, illuminate the wall and ceiling of your bedroom with old Dracula movies, especially the snake, spider, lizard and bat-infested scenes
- Have your friends form a long line. Then, systematically pass the entire contents of your home out of the front and into the back door of your house
- With an industrial size brush and a bottle of bleach, wash, rinse, and sterilize the hubcaps of your car thirty minutes after sunrise and immediately after sunset every day for 8 days
- With a large meat tenderizer, practice beating beer cans down to the diameter of a hockey puck
- Sit on the hood of your car while riding through the car wash
- Line your sandals with sandpaper and spend two hours per day on a stair master
- Drape the allowed contents of your brown grocery bag on the bushes and rocks in your backyard
- Twice a day practice changing while your neighbors watch
- With 27 friends standing in the shallow end of a swimming pool, practice looking nonchalant as you carry on a conversation and pee simultaneously
Sent in by Tim Whitney, who got it from Roxanne Denoyer at Grand Canyon Expeditions, whose passenger created it.
Volume 10, Number 3, 1997